Today I woke up smiling, is that weird? I sure thought so! I didn't dream about Conan O'Brien doing the string dance, or a lifetime supply of mango's, or baby sea otters
(they are sooo cute then they're sleeping!!); I didn't dream anything in particular.
But I woke, smiling. A genuine smile.
Kind of like this little girl, I even sporatically threw up jazz hands for fun!
Really beginning my walk as a Christian this year, I've struggled. When I say, I struggled; I mean, I fell flat on my face and have more spiritual nose bleeds and bruises from walking into walls than Saul maybe (Okay, probably not Saul...) I think even as Christians sometimes we put too much emphasis on how "strong" we are. (Or maybe that's just me? Let me preach to myself then, shoot!!) The problem with this, is anytime we ever face trials or tribulations and react accordingly; we fall into condemnation FOR how we feel. (What?!?) "I shouldn't be sad!!" "My joy is in the LORD!...right?...But...I'm still broken/confused/lost" "You should be ______" I mean, fill in the blanks.
The TRUTH is, sometimes God is allowing something to happen to help me grow, and sometimes, I just don't/cant see it the way He does.
He's showing me how to Be alone.
I think it's safe to say we live in a culture that encourages relationships. One might even say, if you aren't seeking one and are actually even closed off to the idea; You're a freak! Seriously, let's keep it real. It's just not as acceptable/normal to choose to be alone.
Not that I have to defend the Gospel, but I will say this, even while I was dating Daniel, I always had in mind I'd marry him. (We're funny how we make plans, aren't we?) Then when we broke up, I decided again I'd never be serious again until I got married. (Yes, I rebounded. And thus, like many of us, covered up my pain and insecurities and fear and creating God out of other persons/things..Hoping to be completed by and fulfilled in someone else's arms or lots and lots of tulips)
I think my whole life I've had this "In-it-to-Win-it mentality, and honestly, I think we all do. (Save for another blog, I swear, I'll try to elaborate more again...one day... : / )
But God has been showing me lately, THIS is the process of sanctification. (Falling, crying, stretching, falling, crying, waa waa..I mean somebody call the waa-ambulance already!!)
Sanctification, then, is that sovereign act of God whereby He sets apart a person, a place, or an object for Himself in order that He might accomplish His purpose in the world by means of that person, place, or object.
He is stretchin the hootinnanny (Is there really a correct spelling for this?.....) outta me! Sometimes I feel like Stretch Armstrong and my arm is over there and my leg is over here! :/ But it's a PROCESS, going from spiritual rags to spiritual riches. Yes, Jesus, was/is the only perfect and blameless one..Yes I am made in the likeness of God, but I've lived my whole life not knowing any thing really about who I am actually am, until I met God. (Oh, so thats what they mean by being "born-again")
SANCTIFICATION. Someone preach on sanctification please!!
So, instead of throwing my temper tantrums when I'm not receiving what the Lord wants to tell me, or beat myself up when mySelf gets the best of me, or straight up not okay with how much this hurts...
I first have to realize: 1. That God has such grace and love for me, I have to have the same on myself during the molding process (Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8). It won't happen over night. But I am being made into something I never imaged for myself, or that I could be. I am nothing but clay in the Hands of God, to be molded for His glory.
2. Stop, drop, and repent!
I could/kinda want to post a million scriptures on faith and what faith can do.
But to put it in my own words,
faith is all I have.
Faith, is the very substance of holding onto God when I don't know where I am going or will end up.
Faith is forcing myself to cling to the hope that there is a purpose, there is purpose between every sun that rises and every sun that sets.
Faith is letting God wrap me in His arms when I can't muster up the strength to even think about Faith.
Faith is holding on to TODAY's purpose ( Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. Matthew 6:34 The Message) I love the second part of that. God will help me deal with WHATEVER hard things come my way, WHEN THE TIME COMES. I have to give my attention to what God is doing now/every day. Every day I have an easy choice to make, my way..or Gods way.
So I woke up smiling today.
I laughed a lot, I watched the sun set on my lunch and got lost in figuring how glorious my God could be; to create such a beautiful world for me to live in for the time being.
Tomorrow may not be perfect, and tomorrow, I won't be either...
But I'm not worried about tomorrow,
Faith from my yesterdays brought me smiling into these Today's.
Today, I had a good day.
|"...But those who HOPE in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles..." Isaiah 40:31|